Write to and about your readers

Focus your messages on the WIIFM

Quick! Which would you rather read?

Itron, Inc. (NASDAQ: ITRI), which is innovating the way utilities and cities manage energy and water, announced that it’s working together with Maryland’s largest gas and electric utility, Baltimore Gas & Electric (BGE), to connect and manage 260,000 Itron smart streetlights across the utility’s service territory. This will help reduce energy consumption and enhance the wellbeing and safety of the community. BGE will use its existing Itron multi-purpose IIoT network to connect the smart streetlights, which are expected to be deployed through 2026.

Or:

A group of thugs approaches you as you’re walking home late at night. The streetlights suddenly get brighter — and dial 911 for assistance.

Soon Baltimore streets will be lined with 260,000 Itron smart streetlights. They’ll conserve energy, reduce light pollution, decrease traffic jams — even call an ambulance if you get in a wreck.

You probably prefer the second one. And so would your readers.

I coached a group of Public Relations Society of America members last week to help them draw readers in with reader-centric messages. Here’s what we did:

1. Focus on the benefits — not on the features.

The original focuses on grants and the organization:

More than $6 million in grant funding is being distributed to groups across Georgia for the planting and care of trees. The Trees Across Georgia (TAG) program, in partnership with the Georgia Forestry Commission and US Forest Service, encourages projects that increase the benefits of tree canopy.

The revision focuses on what the grants will do for communities:

Did you know that trees reduce floods? Increase the value of your home? Even cut the number of crimes in your community?

Soon Georgia communities will have millions more trees, thanks to …

2. Write about people — not about things.

The original focuses on a program:

AWC’s Certificate of Municipal Leadership (CML) program recognizes mayors and councilmembers for accomplishing training in five core areas. The trainings offered by AWC provide city elected officials with the knowledge they need to effectively operate within the law, plan for the future, secure and manage funds, foster strong relationships, and work to build more equitable communities.

The revision focuses on what people can do with the program:

Mayors and councilmembers: Learn new ways to operate more effectively within the law, foster stronger relationships, and build more equitable communities.

3. Write about the impact, not the event.

The original focuses on the event — an awards announcement:

For the first time in the 35-year history of the Heroes, Saints & Legends Awards, all three honorees are women. The Foundation of Wesley Woods will present the awards at their Heroes, Saints & Legends Gala on September 5, 2024. The annual event honors individuals who have transformed Atlanta’s community through a lifetime of achievement and commitment to leadership, service, and philanthropy.

The revision focuses on the impact — what these awardees did to be honored:

They fed the hungry. They sheltered the homeless. They visited the sick, elderly and isolated.

Transform your writing

Would you like training and coaching to transform your messages from meh to mesmerizing? Join us at Wylie’s Writing Lab.